Top 10 Tips for a Great First Date

Here is a list for the boys. There is a saying that “you never get a second chance to make a good first impression.” With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.

1. Pay
Pay for everything. Don’t mention splitting the bill. If the lady suggests paying part of the bill do not accept the offer. If she insists, allow her to pay what she wishes (this is not just a rule for dating). You will be the best judge at the time whether your date is only insisting because she feels obliged.

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2. Location
No movies on the first date. How can you get to know each other if you spend the majority of the time in silence? I would recommend taking your date out for dinner (no lunch dates on the first date either). Take her somewhere you feel comfortable and somewhere you can easily afford. You don’t want to be nervous all through the date that you might get stuck with a crippling bill. If price is a big concern for you, you can organize your own date in a public place (like a park or even at your own home) and prepare the meal yourself. If you can’t cook, takeaways are fine, but serve it on plates at the table and try to make an effort.
I would also suggest that you not go too overboard with the first date. Keep it simple and moderately priced. You can get extravagent on subsequent dates if things go well.
3. Manners
First off, if you are going to dinner, read the Rules for Fine Dining list; try to remember at least one or two. When you pick up your date, get out of the car and hold the door open for her. Do the same when you are letting her out of the car. If you are dining out for your first date, hold the chair out for your date and help her sit.
Don’t be late.

4. Respect
That means not to expect anything in return! A date is not payment for future pleasures, it is a way to get to know someone to gauge compatibility. This rule also means you should not try to get your date drunk, drugged, or compromised in any other way. At the end of the date you can offer a small kiss – offer nothing else and expecting nothing back.
5. Confidence
Be confident and take charge of the evening. This does not mean you should drag your date around by the arm; be firm with your suggestions and be confident that you will have a good date and make a good impression – remember, if you were a total loser you wouldn’t be on the date in the first place.

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6. Grooming
Dress appropriately for your date, and you should probably let your date know where you are planning to take her in advance so she can also dress appropriately. If you are going to the beach for a seaside dinner, dress nicely (no jeans) but don’t overdress. Similarly, if you are going to a fancy restaurant, wear a shirt and tie. Make sure your shoes are clean and polished if necessary.
Shower. Shampoo. Shave. If you have cologne, wear a little but not too much.
7. Conversation
Do not focus on yourself during the evening – ask your date questions about herself (this works in all social situations). Listen to the replies too and don’t just look for an opening to start discussing yourself. Do not talk about your job for more than a few minutes – while our own work is a fascinating subject for us, it is seldom fascinating for someone else. Be sure to compliment your date – but don’t go overboard – you will seem desperate.
Do not ever talk about dates you have had with other people or your ex-girlfriends.

8. Timing
Don’t let your date last too long. Think of it like a good meal – you should finish your plate feeling like you want just a little more. This is the best time to finish a date. This also means that you should not plan for the date to be too far from home otherwise the travel can ruin things.
9. Gifts
It can be a very nice idea to give your date a small gift on the first date. Don’t go crazy on something expensive – just a nice little token like a single rose is fine. Keep in mind where you are going and how you plan to get there so your date does not end up being lumbered with something that she has to carry around all night. Oh – and don’t pick the rose from your dates garden – buy one.
10. Conclusion
If you enjoyed your time with your date and would like to see her again, call her and tell her so. Don’t wait too long (and definitely don’t play hard to get). Be completely honest. Having said that, if you had an awful time, you should still be honest (though not brutal). There is no point in leading someone on – it will end up badly for both of you.

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10 Rhetorical Figures

Rhetoric is the art of persuasion through written, oral, or visual means. The idea of rhetoric has been around since the classical days. One of the greatest works on this subject which still exists from the classical period is The Orators Education, by Quintilian (if you are feeling particularly generous, I give you permission to buy me a copy from my amazon wishlist – it is on page 1 and there are 5 books.) Some of the greatest speakers and speeches from history were written by people with a great knowledge of rhetoric – for example John F Kennedy, Winston Churchill. Some of the famous tropes you have probably heard of are Irony, onomatopoeia, alliteration, and assonance. I like to think of it like this: grammar is the science of good writing; rehetoric the art. That was zeugma (item 6) by the way. This is a list of ten rhetorical tropes (figures of speech) to get you started on the road to mastery of the art.

10. PolysyndetonEmploying many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

I said, “Who killed him?” and he said, “I don’t know who killed him but he’s dead all right,” and it was dark and there was water standing in the street and no lights and windows broke and boats all up in the town and trees blown down and everything all blown and I got a skiff and went out and found my boat where I had her inside Mango Key and she was all right only she was full of water. —Ernest Hemingway, “After the Storm.”

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9. Asyndeton
The opposite of polysyndeton – the omission of conjunctions between clauses – employed in a very famous quote:

Veni, vidi, vici (Caesar: “I came; I saw; I conquered”) – omitting “and” and “then”

Brachylogia is similar to this though it omits conjunctions between single words to give a hurried feel: “John! Rise, eat, leave!”

8. Hysyteron ProtoronI love this one because you can have a lot of fun with it. This is the reversal of words based upon the order of time. This is something we all use often – the best example being: “Put on your shoes and socks” – obviously you must put your socks on first. This is a type of hyperbaton which is simply a reversal of word order without relation to time: “Why should their liberty than ours be more?” Shakespeare.

Th’ Antoniad, the Egyptian admiral,
With all their sixty, fly and turn the rudder. —Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra 3.10.2

7. Homoioteleuton
Similarity of endings of adjacent or parallel words.

He is esteemed eloquent which can invent wittily, remember perfectly, dispose orderly, figure diversly [sic], pronounce aptly, confirme strongly, and conclude directly. —Peacham

6. Zeugma
A general term describing when one part of speech (most often the main verb, but sometimes a noun) governs two or more other parts of a sentence (often in a series).

As Virgil guided Dante through Inferno, the Sibyl Aeneas Avernus. —Roger D. Scott

Grammar is the science of good writing; rehetoric the art. —jfrater

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5. MetonymyReference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. For example, “He bought a great set of wheels” – wheels being the attribute of the actual object he bought: a car. Another example: “We await word from the crown.” The crown is an attribute of the King, and in this context is a reference to the King himself, not the crown he wears.
4. Litotes
Deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite. This is a form of modesty often used to gain favor with one’s audience:

It isn’t very serious. I have this tiny little tumor on the brain. —J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

3. Anaphora
Repetition of the same word or group of words at the beginning of successive clauses, sentences, or lines. I am certain you will have heard the greatest modern example of this one:

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender[…] Sir Winston Churchill

Sir Winston was famed for his great speeches – but what few know is that he would pore over them making great use of rhetoric, and then memorize them. He managed to perform his speeches as if he were speaking from the top of his head. He is recognized as one of the greatest statesmen – and rhetoric is one of the reasons why.

2. Diaskeue
Something the press should use less often! This is the graphic peristasis (description of circumstances) intended to arouse the emotions.

Look at my children, their emaciated cheeks, their bare feet, their hunger to know something more than hunger…

1. Paralipsis
This is a wonderful rhetorical trope – it is stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over. A kind of irony.

“It would be unseemly for me to dwell on Senator Kennedy’s drinking problem, and too many have already sensationalized his womanizing…”

I now challenge you to use at least one of these tropes in the comments below (in your own words, not quoted from a famous speech).

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